Nothing Left for Me

Graphic by Libbe Phan

How did I end up like this?

It was never my intention to self destruct, but here I find myself once again.

Once swimming, now drowning in a sea thoughts trying to keep my head above water and trying not to go under

Giving, giving, giving, I gave all of me to everybody else without knowing. I give everything I have to help everyone else.

Why can’t I seem to help me?

When did I stop being a priority?

I swore I’d never let this happen again but here I am, going under.

They all took and took and took. It wasn’t any of their fault, they had no idea it was destroying me from the inside out.

At the end of all this I have nothing left to keep.

Nothing left for me. Why was I so blind, after all I have boundaries for a reason but I somehow forgot to put up my walls.

I have nothing left to give myself.

I forgot to keep something to help me.

I forget what it’s like to love for me.

I keep going and going because of the massive guilt I feel knowing I’m not helping everybody that needs it.

But what about me?

Why am I not worth it to myself anymore?

“Who took Addie? Where could she be?

A shell of herself is the only thing left,

A million watt fake smile to hide her hurt,

Killing myself for others is how I feel worth.